Beyond the Screen – Rediscovering Fitrah and Addressing Offline Challenges in Parenting
Part 1: “Yes, we know what is Zina!!” But do we understand how to save ourselves from it?
In the follow-up to our series “From Fitnah to Fitrah – Islamic Parenting in an AI World,” we begin a new series that addresses critical and sensitive topics that parents face in this hyper-connected world. These issues, deeply rooted in Islamic teachings, have taken on new dimensions in the era of social media, instant connectivity, and shifting societal norms.
The Islamic Perspective on Zina
Zina, which refers to unlawful sexual relations outside the sanctity of marriage, is strictly prohibited in Islam. The Quran commands believers to avoid all situations that might lead to zina, emphasising the preservation of modesty and chastity.
Allah says in the Quran:
“And come not near to unlawful sex (avoid all situations that might lead to it). Verily, it is a fahishah (immoral sin) — a major sin.”
— (Al-Isra, 17:32)
The term fahishah here is used to describe something extremely shameful and detestable. Islamic teachings urge us to stay away from shamelessness in all forms. The Quran describes shamelessness (al-fahsha) as including lewdness, vulgarity, and socially unacceptable behaviour that damages society’s moral fabric:
“Indeed, Allah commands justice, grace, as well as courtesy to close relatives. He forbids shamelessness (al-fahsha), wickedness, and aggression. He instructs you, so perhaps you will be mindful.”
— (An-Nahl, 16:90)
The Social and Psychological Impact of Zina
In today’s tech-driven world, exposure to inappropriate content, suggestive selfies, and flirtatious interactions through social media can normalize zina-like behavior, eroding a young Muslim’s sense of modesty and shame. Psychological research shows that such normalization often leads to addiction-like behavior and damages self-esteem and mental health.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned about the loss of shame:
“Among that which reached the people from the words of the earlier prophethood: If you feel no shame, then do whatever you wish.”
— (Bukhari)
This hadith highlights the importance of shame (haya) as a protective mechanism against sin. Losing this natural instinct can lead to destructive behavior and spiritual downfall.
Marriage: The Foundation of a Healthy Muslim Society
Marriage is Encouraged and Celebrated in Islam.
Marriage is not just a social contract but a sacred bond fostering love, mercy, and companionship between spouses. Allah says:
“Among His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. Verily, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
— (Ar-Rum, 30:21)
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever does not act upon my Sunnah is not part of me.”
— (Reported by Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her)
Marriage is a means to fulfil natural desires lawfully and protect oneself from falling into sin. The Prophet also advised:
“Give each other in marriage, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him contract a marriage. Whoever does not have the means should fast, as fasting will restrain his impulses.”
— (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Encouraging Early Marriage: A Practical and Balanced Approach for Parenting
In today’s fast-paced world, where instant gratification and permissiveness dominate, early marriage can serve as a vital protective and stabilizing force for Muslim youth. It allows them to fulfil their natural desires lawfully, develop a sense of responsibility, and build a foundation for a healthy family life while safeguarding their fitrah (natural disposition).
Islam strongly encourages marriage as a means to protect one’s chastity and avoid falling into sinful behaviour. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Whoever is able to marry, let him marry, for it helps him lower his gaze and guard his chastity.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
However, practical and financial challenges often delay marriage, which may leave many young people vulnerable to fitnah (temptation). Early marriage, particularly through the contract of nikkah, can be an effective solution.
Early nikkah means performing the Islamic marriage contract at a young age, with mutual consent, while postponing living together or consummating the marriage until both spouses are ready—financially, emotionally, and physically.
This approach offers several benefits:
Secures the marriage bond religiously and legally: The couple becomes husband and wife in the eyes of Islam, fulfilling the Sunnah and reducing the risk of zina.
Protects chastity and fitrah: By formalizing the relationship, it guards against illicit relationships without rushing into cohabitation prematurely.
Allows time for personal growth: Both individuals can focus on education, career preparation, and spiritual development while being legally married.
Facilitates family involvement and support: Families can gradually help the couple prepare for their future life together, providing mentorship and resources.
Consultation. Discuss the benefits and responsibilities of early marriage openly with your child, emphasizing that marriage is a serious commitment but also a means of spiritual and emotional protection. Involve religious scholars or counselors to provide guidance.
Mutual Consent and Compatibility: Ensure that both the prospective bride and groom consent willingly and understand the implications. Compatibility in values, goals, and expectations is essential for a successful start.
Clear Agreement on Living Arrangements: The couple—and their families—should agree on when and how they will start living together. This might be after completing education or attaining financial stability. The delay is entirely permissible and can be a wise decision.
Financial Planning and Support: Early marriage doesn’t mean an immediate financial burden. Parents or guardians may assist with mahr (dowry) and initial expenses. The couple can gradually prepare for independent living.
Spiritual and Emotional Preparation: Encourage the couple to engage in religious education and premarital counselling focusing on communication, rights and responsibilities, and conflict resolution.
Community and Family Support: We offer programs that can offer workshops or mentorship for young married couples. Families should maintain strong support systems to prevent isolation.
Guarding the Gaze: Allah commands both men and women to lower their gaze and protect their modesty.
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze … That is purer for them.” (An-Nur, 24:30)
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest...” (An-Nur, 24:31)
Avoiding Seclusion (Khulwa): The Prophet forbade men and women from being alone together unless they are mahram (close kin). This prevents temptation and sexual abuse.
“Never is a man alone with a woman except that Shaytan is the third party with them.” (Tirmidhi)
Modest Dress and Behaviour: Wearing a khimar, jilbab, and observing modesty is a protective barrier against unwanted attention and harassment.
Open Communication: Encourage your children to talk about their struggles without fear or shame. This helps them avoid secretive behaviours leading to zina or harmful acts.
Educate on the Dangers of Pornography and Hyper-Sexualisation: The global pornography industry is massive and manipulative. Helping youth understand these dangers can empower them to resist and protect their Fitrah (natural disposition).
Addressing Common Concerns
“Is the youngster mature enough?”
Maturity varies individually. Early nikkah with delayed cohabitation allows time for growth while securing the marriage bond.
“Won’t this create confusion or hardship?”
Proper planning and open communication reduce confusion. Parental guidance and counselling help address challenges.
“What about social stigma?”
Educating the community about the wisdom of this approach can reduce stigma. Islamically, marriage at a young age is praiseworthy when handled responsibly.
Early marriage, especially through the contract of nikkah with delayed cohabitation, offers a balanced and practical solution to protect Muslim youth from fitnah. It allows youngsters to honour their natural disposition within Islamic boundaries while preparing them emotionally, spiritually, and financially for a successful married life.
Parents play a crucial role in guiding, supporting, and facilitating this process with wisdom and compassion, ensuring that marriage remains a source of blessings, stability, and growth for their children and the wider community.
Islam encourages fasting as a way to control sexual desires until lawful marriage is possible:
“…fasting will restrain his impulses.”
— (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Social media can normalise zina-like behaviour, desensitising young Muslims to its moral implications. This can lead to psychological distress, including guilt and anxiety, particularly when faced with the disparity between their actions and Islamic teachings.
Case Study 1: Aisha’s Struggle
Aisha, a 17-year-old, found herself increasingly drawn to social media influencers who normalised casual relationships. Despite her upbringing, she began to question her values, leading to secretive behaviour and feelings of guilt. After attending a workshop on Islamic values, she realised the importance of maintaining her fitrah and distanced herself from harmful influences, finding solace in prayer and community support.
“Marriage is part of my Sunnah. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not part of me.” (Ibn Majah)
Case Study 2: Bilal’s Journey
Bilal, an 18-year-old, struggled with peer pressure to engage in relationships. He felt lost until he attended a seminar on the sanctity of marriage in Islam. Inspired, he began to seek marriage as a means to fulfil his desires lawfully. Bilal’s journey showcases how understanding the value of marriage can redirect young people’s desires toward healthy, Islamic relationships.
The Prophetic Incident: A Lesson in Compassion
Sayyiduna Abu Umamah (radiyallahu ‘anhu) reported a powerful incident where a young man asked the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) for permission to commit zina. Instead of rebuking him harshly, the Prophet engaged him in a discussion, asking if he would want such an act for his mother, sister, or daughter. After the young man expressed his disapproval, the Prophet prayed for him:
Allahummagh fir dhambahu wa tahhir qalbahu wa hassin farjahu
“O Allah! Forgive his sin, purify his heart, and safeguard his chastity.”
This narration illustrates the importance of compassion and understanding in guiding our youth away from sin.
As parents, we must guide our children through the challenges posed by modern life while anchoring them in their faith. By fostering open communication, discussing the importance of marriage, and addressing issues like zina with compassion, we can help our children navigate their challenges and remain connected to their fitrah.
As Muslim parents in a tech-driven world, our role is more critical than ever. By grounding our children in Islamic values about zina, marriage, and sexuality, while addressing the challenges posed by technology and modern culture, we can help them rediscover their natural fitrah and live balanced, fulfilling lives.
Let us remember the mercy of Allah and His promise:
“Shaytan threatens you with poverty and orders you to commit fahsha (evil deeds)… whereas Allah promises you forgiveness from Himself and bounty.”
— (Al-Baqarah, 2:268)
Personal Dua
O Allah, guide our youth away from the fitnah of this world. Purify their hearts, protect their chastity, and grant them the wisdom to navigate life’s challenges while remaining steadfast in their faith. Ameen.
Sayyida Al Salaam
Certified Australian Muslimah Counselor
Qalaq Al Nafsi
help@qalaqalnafsi.com
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