Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Dear Parents!
Welcome back to our blog series “From Fitnah to Fitrah – Islamic Parenting in the AI World.” You’ve been such a supportive community, and I pray that these reflections have been more than just words on a screen. I hope they’ve been a cup of chai for the soul, a gentle nudge to wake up to the world we’re raising our children in.
Before we dive deep today, I want to invite you to a quick reflective exercise.
Go ahead, grab a notebook or open a note app, and answer this quietly in your heart: “When was the last time you scrolled through social media and felt like you—or your child—weren’t doing enough, weren’t good enough, or were somehow falling behind?”
Jot down three emotions you felt and one behavior it triggered (e.g., anxiety, self-doubt, overcompensating as a parent, etc.).
Hold onto that thought—we’ll come back to it.
What Is Comparison Culture?
In today’s digital world, comparison culture is the air we breathe. It’s the endless, subtle evaluation of our lives against carefully curated versions of others’—thanks to the highlight reels on social media. Your 10-year-old sees a kid his age go viral on YouTube, and suddenly he thinks his life is boring. Your teen scrolls past influencers flaunting “soft girl” aesthetics, perfect rooms, and perfect skin—and wonders if she’s pretty enough. And us? We scroll through other mums’ Montessori setups and meal-prepped fridge tours—and wonder if we’re doing motherhood “right.”
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for this is more suitable that you do not belittle the blessings of Allah.“(Sahih Muslim 2963).
Islam teaches us shukr (gratitude) by grounding our gaze, not elevating it toward illusions. But what’s happening instead?
Enter: Hyperindividualism
At the other end of this spectrum is hyperindividualism, where the self becomes the sole centre of meaning. AI-enhanced algorithms now cater to your every preference, creating an echo chamber where the “self” is king. This seeps into children, too. They are being taught (subtly and overtly) that: – “You do you” is the highest form of truth – Personal fulfillment overrides collective responsibility – Religion, family, and community must bend to individual comfort but Islam says otherwise.
The Qur’an reminds us: “Indeed, this ummah of yours is one ummah, and I am your Lord, so worship Me.“(Surah Al-Anbiya 21:92). And the Prophet ﷺ said: “The believers are like a structure, each part strengthening the other.” (Bukhari and Muslim).
We are meant to be part of something bigger than ourselves.
Why This Matters: The Psychological & Spiritual Cost
Comparison Culture breeds:- Anxiety, low self-worth – Sibling rivalry and jealousy – Burnout from “performance parenting” – A constant chase for validation
Hyperindividualism cultivates:- Disconnection from family values – A decline in empathy and cooperation – Difficulty submitting to divine will – Ego-centric identities that are fragile under pressure
This is not a coincidence—it’s a plot. Shaytan’s whisper is subtle.
The Damaging Effects: A Satanic Tactic?
The constant comparison and hyperindividualism fueled by social media can have damaging effects on our mental and spiritual well-being, and especially on our children:
- Low Self-Esteem: Constantly comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.
- Anxiety and Depression: The pressure to maintain a “perfect” image online can be overwhelming, leading to anxiety and depression.
- Envy and Resentment: Seeing others’ “successes” can breed envy and resentment, poisoning our hearts.
- Isolation: Hyperindividualism can lead to a sense of isolation and detachment from community.
- Erosion of Gratitude: When we’re constantly focused on what we lack, we forget to appreciate the blessings we have.
It’s crucial to recognize that these negative feelings are often whispers from Shaytan, who seeks to sow discord and unhappiness in our hearts. He uses these tactics to distract us from our purpose and to weaken our connection with Allah.
Allah tells us clearly: “I will mislead them, and I will arouse in them false desires… and I will command them…” (Surah An-Nisa 4:119) Shaytan wants us to believe that self-worth must be proven online. That parenting is a competition. That deen is outdated, and the “authentic self” is god. These are not new tricks, but they’re wearing new digital masks.
Two Case Studies (Names Changed)
1️⃣ Amina – The Burnt-Out Mom Influencer
Amina started a parenting Instagram page to share her homeschooling journey. Her intention was pure, but soon, she was spending hours staging activities, stressing over aesthetics, and checking likes. Her children began to resent the camera always being around. Her 6-year-old once said, *“Are we doing this for fun or for your followers?”* That moment crushed her. She came to therapy feeling spiritually hollow. The joy of parenting was replaced by the anxiety of being “seen” as the perfect mom. She admitted, “I forgot that Allah is my true audience.”
2️⃣ Zayd – The Lonely Genius
Zayd, a 14-year-old gifted in coding, was always online. He had thousands of followers for his AI tutorials and felt proud—until he started withdrawing from the family. He insisted on eating alone, skipping prayer, and said he didn’t need to “waste time with people who didn’t understand him.” His parents were heartbroken. Zayd had built a world centred around his individual talent but had lost his place in the family fabric. After gentle interventions and spiritual counselling, Zayd said something profound: “I was so full of myself, I forgot I’m part of an ummah.”
Strategies to Guide Our Families Back to Fitrah
Here are 7 heartfelt strategies to fight back against these trends with faith and wisdom:
1. Rebuild Tawheed in Daily Conversations. Remind your kids: “Allah is always watching, not followers.” Discuss the difference between being known by people vs. being known by Allah.
2. Practice Shukr Journaling. A weekly family activity: list 3 things each person is grateful for—offline. Rewire the heart to focus inward, not outward.
3. Curate Content, Not Just Consume It. Use parental controls and digital filters. Discuss “why” we follow people and regularly unfollow those who feed insecurity.
4. Celebrate Quiet Acts of Worship & Goodness. Praise children for unseen good, like helping a sibling, making dua in private, or resisting comparison.
5. Model Collective Responsibility. Do acts of khidmah (service) together—visiting the sick, helping neighbours, or cooking for someone. Reconnect them to the Ummah.
6. Talk About Shaytan’s Tricks Openly. Make it normal to say: “This is a whisper from Shaytan” when pride, jealousy, or comparison sneaks in.
7. Create Offline Rituals. Family board game nights, tech-free Qur’an circles, and screenless Fridays. Make the connection tangible.
A Heartfelt Dua for All of Us
Ya Allah, the Turner of hearts, Make us people of contentment in a world of competition. Protect our children from the fitnah of being seen and the trap of ego. Let our homes be filled with sincerity, and our screens be only tools of khayr. Guide our eyes to see blessings, not comparisons. Guide our hearts to love You more than the world. Make us parents who raise not just smart children, but righteous ones—connected to their fitrah, not enslaved to their followers. Ameen. 🤍
Till next time, may our hearts return to fitrah and our parenting become a path to Jannah.
Jazakallah Khair
Sayyida Al Salaam
Certified Muslimah Australian Counselor
Qalaq Al Nafsi
www.qalaqalnafsi.com
help@qalaqalnafsi.com
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