Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim.
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, dear brothers and sisters,
In times past, before the digital age overwhelmed our lives, the process of marriage proposals was simple yet profound. We hold onto traditions, alhamdulillah, but are we adapting them to protect our children in this modern world? Families would perform a daryafi — an inquiry into the character and habits of the prospective spouse. Neighbors, friends, and acquaintances were asked discreetly about the individual’s nature. If any red flags appeared, the proposal would be halted. This time-tested tradition helped protect countless families from future heartbreak and hardship. But today? The question we must honestly ask ourselves is: Are we still conducting these vital checks? And more importantly, are we examining the online lives of those we consider for our children’s future?
A Story That Shakes the Soul
A young woman from the Southeast region recently shared her painful experience with me. She had been married for three years to a man who, on the surface, seemed ideal: educated, from a wealthy family, only son, sporting a beard, and described by his family as a religious, introverted man. However, her trust shattered one day when she discovered that intimate photos taken with her consent during their private moments were being posted on websites and shared with other men. Shocked and heartbroken, she confronted her mother-in-law and husband. He begged for forgiveness, swearing it would never happen again. Yet, a year later, the betrayal repeated — this time with everyday photos of her cooking, walking around the house, or simply sitting on the couch. These were taken without her knowledge or permission and shared online. Divorce was not an option for her, given her family circumstances. This man’s actions were driven by an unhealthy addiction or perverse pleasure, despite his education and status. The most painful part? She is a niqabi, never revealing her face to any man — yet her dignity and privacy were violated in the gravest manner.
The problem, dear parents, is multifaceted. This man’s actions were not merely a breach of trust, but a grave sin against Allah (SWT) and a violation of his wife’s rights. His behavior suggests an underlying addiction or perverse pleasure in sharing his wife’s images, despite her piety and modesty. Fatima found herself trapped, unable to divorce due to her family’s circumstances, forced to endure this humiliation and betrayal.
As parents, we must be vigilant in our approach to selecting spouses for our children. Gone are the days when a cursory “daryafi” was sufficient. The digital age demands a more comprehensive vetting process, one that delves into the online presence and activities of a potential partner.
The Ongoing Problem We Must Face
– Digital Deception: The online world hides many faces. A seemingly pious exterior can conceal disturbing behavior.
– Violation of Privacy: Sharing images without consent is a grave sin and a breach of trust.
– Lack of Thorough Vetting: Many families focus only on the visible, neglecting the digital footprint.
– Addiction and Compulsions: Even educated, religious individuals can fall prey to harmful online habits.
– Family and Social Pressure: Many women remain trapped due to social stigma, family dynamics, or economic dependence.
Strategies for Parents: Protecting Your Child’s Future in the Digital Age
1. Revive the Tradition of Daryafi — Digitally: Don’t just ask neighbors and relatives. Conduct thorough online research on the prospective spouse’s social media profiles, forums, and other digital spaces.
2. Look for Red Flags: Posts, comments, photos, or connections that contradict the image presented by the family should be carefully considered.
3. Ask for Transparency: Encourage your child to request access or observe the online behavior of their potential spouse, if appropriate.
4. Engage Trusted Investigators: Sometimes discreet inquiries through community members or trusted contacts can reveal hidden truths.
5. Discuss Online Reputation: Teach your child to understand the importance of one’s digital footprint and how it affects trust and respect in marriage.
6. Be Prepared to Say No: If doubts arise, do not proceed hastily. It’s better to delay or decline than to suffer lifelong regrets.
7. Consult Professionals: Islamic counselors or therapists can offer guidance on evaluating character and compatibility in today’s digital context.
8. Promote Open Family Dialogue: Create an environment where your child feels safe discussing concerns about their prospective spouse’s behavior.
9. Educate About Privacy and Consent: Emphasize the sanctity of privacy in marriage and the importance of mutual respect.
10. Encourage Patience and Tawakkul: Trust in Allah’s plan and be patient in seeking the right partner.
A Personal Dua for Protection and Guidance _O Allah, Most Merciful, protect our children from deception and harm in all forms. Shield their hearts from betrayal and their lives from hardship. Grant us wisdom to discern truth and courage to act with justice. Guide us to spouses who will honour and respect the sacred bond of marriage. Ameen.
Dear parents, the world has changed, and so must our methods of protecting our children. Let’s embrace the tools available to us to conduct a thorough digital vital check and ensure a brighter, safer future for our children’s marriages.
#DigitalDaryaft #MuslimMarriage #OnlineSafety #PrivacyMatters #ProtectOurDaughters #IslamicParenting #NikahAdvice #CyberSecurity #MarriagePrep #QalaqalNafsi #DigitalParenting #IslamicMarriage #BackgroundChecks #OnlineFootprint #PsychologicalImpact #FaithAndIdentity #MuslimParenting #TechSafety #OpenCommunication
Sayyida Al Salaam
Muslimah Australian Counselor | Therapist
Leave A Comment